apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
