party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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