Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
