Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
