I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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