For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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