Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
