I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize