I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
