Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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