I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
