why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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