You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
