so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her