I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.