4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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