Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.