He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.