Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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