Just invented taco cereal.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
