yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
