Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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