i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
