dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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