I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
