he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
