Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
