I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
