dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
