I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
pray to the hookup gods
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
