you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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