You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
