yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
