I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
