dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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