we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
