pop tarts are not kleenex
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
