I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
two words...techno handjob
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
