ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
