walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Panties = found
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
