Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
