if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
