She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How does one acquire holy water?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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