omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
