Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Someone came in the potted fern
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
