like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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