FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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