there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
