he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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