I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
