so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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