Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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