my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
