you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
