Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The Olympian is in my bed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
