Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
