Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
