I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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