our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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