yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
