I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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