i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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