i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
