why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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