The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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