TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So apparently I’m into choking now
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